Humpty Dumpty Decline
July 6th, 2010 tyko
Shoestring Budget
June 27th, 2010 tyko
Child Care Providers Licensing Game
June 24th, 2010 tyko1. Orientation
2. Start
3. Send in applicatio
4. Call licenser because of no response to application
5. Application lost, return to START.
6. While crawling arouend measuring floor space, your back gives out, lose 1 turn.
7. First home visit
8. Your kids act up in front of licenser, GO BACK 1
9. Licensor finds beer in your fridge-offer her one
10. Your fridge temp is 43. Licenser makes you buy new one
11. Extra paperwork, LOSE 1 TURN
12. Argue with licensor over where to put dieffenbachia
13. READ RULE. Remain here till you understand it
14. Find thermometer licensor left in fridge, GO FORWARD 1
15. Working on your policy, LOSE A WEEKEND (and sleep)
16. Counting your toys and equipment, LOSE 1 TURN
17. You try to fit a bright red fire extinguisher into your pastel blue kitchen
18. Your daughter refuses to give up her pet chicken. Apply for variance, WAIT 2 TURNS
19. You remove your double-key deadbolt lock, next day a burglar steals your computer.
20. A reference letter got lost, GO BACK 1
21. Visit 11 stores trying to find a 2 3/8″ diameter sphere to check your crib.
22. Your husband objects when you practice unlocking the bathroom door while he is showering.
23. Wait for fire inspection. LOSE 2 TURNS
24. Police confuse your name with that of public enemy #1 SPEND WEEKEND WITH FBI
25. Learn from police report your husband has a hidden past. File for divorce.
26. Licenser objects to your substituting maple syrup for Ipecac syrup.
27. Second home visit.
28. Fire Marshal come. YOU PASS! GO FORWARD 2 spaces
29. Spring thaw. Licensor finds ditch drain in back yard. Requires fence. LOSE 1 TURN
30. Licensor says it won’t be long now.
31. Computer rejects your name, GO BACK 2
32. First run-in with unreasonable parent, Cry all night
33. You don’t understand how may children you may have LOSE 1 TURN
34. You spot your licenser in Target during working hours. GO FORWARD 3 AND TAKE ANOTHER TURN
35. License comes, is incorrect, GO BACK 2
36. Take eight children to the park, come back with 7 PANIC
37. Parents pay bonus for potty training! FAINT
38. Receive letter from licensor saying you’re recommended for licensure. GO FORWARD 1
39. Receive 1st Food program check. CELEBRATE
40. Drop-in complaint. If you have too many children, GO BACK 1, if not GO FORWARD 2
41. Call licenser with problem. Not at desk, will call you back.
42. Ditto
43. Ditto
44. Licenser calls back, by now problem has solved itself
45. Tax laws change, You are paralyzed with shock. LOSE 2 TURNS
46. Drop in visit. If your hair is in curlers, GO BACK 1, if not GO FORWARD 1
47. Your child shoots licensor with water gun. Pretend not to notice.
48. Re-licensing due! No training, GO BACK 1
49. Boring training session, fall asleep. LOSE 1 TURN
50. Neighbor calls you a babysitter. Punch him in the nose.
51. Re-licensing. RETURN TO START!
Two Vehicle Family
June 24th, 2010 tyko
Groucho Laments
June 18th, 2010 tyko“My mother loved children–she would have given anything if I had been one.”
Groucho Marks
Politics
June 12th, 2010 tyko
Changing Needs
June 6th, 2010 tyko
George Bernard Shaw, On Parenting
June 3rd, 2010 tykoSpecial thanks to forum contributer, Scott Gilpen, for compiling this:
PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Trailing Clouds of Glory
Childhood is a stage in the process of that continual remanufacture of the Life Stuff by which the human race is perpetuated. The Life Force either will not or cannot achieve immortality except in very low organisms: indeed it is by no means ascertained that even the amoeba is immortal. Human beings visibly wear out, though they last longer than their friends the dogs. Turtles, parrots, and elephants are believed to be capable of outliving the memory of the oldest human inhabitant. But the fact that new ones are born conclusively proves that they are not immortal. Do away with death and you do away with the need for birth: in fact if you went on breeding, you would finally have to kill old people to make room for young ones.
Now death is not necessarily a failure of energy on the part of the Life Force. People with no imagination try to make things which will last for ever, and even want to live for ever themselves. But the intelligently imaginative man knows very well that it is waste of labor to make a machine that will last ten years, because it will probably be superseded in half that time by an improved machine answering the same purpose. He also knows that if some devil were to convince us that our dream of personal immortality is no dream but a hard fact, such a shriek of despair would go up from the human race as no other conceivable horror could provoke. With all our perverse nonsense as to John Smith living for a thousand million eons and for ever after, we die voluntarily, knowing that it is time for us to be scrapped, to be remanufactured, to come back, as Wordsworth divined, trailing ever brightening clouds of glory. We must all be born again, and yet again and again. We should like to live a little longer just as we should like 50 pounds: that is, we should take it if we could get it for nothing; but that sort of idle liking is not will….
Dr. Cosby, A Maven For Parents
May 24th, 2010 tyko“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
Bill Cosby
Not Out…
May 21st, 2010 tyko